The Lord's Testimony of His Working through yours truly : Part Two :)

~Part 2~ 

I was not quite the excellent student at school, I performed well by His grace, but not excellent, I tended just to focus in the subjects I liked! For STPM, even while doing the exams, I sort of knew I was going to do badly, and while doing it was preparing myself for doing another year! (after form 5, my results were ok, but none of us siblings knew we could go to any private college because it was beyond our means, but looking back, it was God’s preservation for us from being sucked into the world and its ways… what do I mean? If you would like to know further, please don’t hesitate to email me or talk to me in person, by His grace will seek to explain). The subject that I liked was Chemistry, actually even during form 4 onwards, thought of giving Chemistry tuition (still keep my old chemistry notes :)! ), because by God’s grace it was something that I excelled at. So I got my results, it was A, B, C and F (if you know me, you would know what the F was for… Maths!!(shudders at the thought of form 6 maths ;) ). Anyway, so I thought about resitting, but just put in my application in public university courses. Even at that time, in my folly didn’t pray about it much (but yet again, God was gracious with the fool that I was (what’s different now? Yes, by God’s grace am less of a fool). Basically all my top choices were in UM covering science degrees and education and all were located in the peninsular. My last choice was University Malaysia Sabah and for a course in Geology (my sister and brother did give their inputs on this course and I did have some cursory knowledge of what it entailed but not much). 

So on the day the results of university applications were out, my friend called me to check the info. So I called the hotline : “Tahniah, anda telah diterima masuk ke UM… S(ok la, there was no long break, but I was hoping there was no further alphabet after the "m"! :) ). All my siblings had gone to UM, and I was sort of the black sheep of the family.... :) .. there was joy(for I did not expect to get into university!) and there was fear, for I did not know what to expect, but was just thankful that I got a place and decided to go, heard that there was an assembly there, but knew nothing about it. 

Parents were of course concerned on being far away, and with my illness and how I would cope. Being parents I understand the way they would feel, but the fear was and is unwarranted, for the Holy Spirit dwells within us and the Lord is there to guide and preserve, and just looking back His faithfulness through it all, has there ever been an occasion where He has failed us? Some things to think about… when was the last time you thought about that everything in creation about you is sustained by Him?... things have been working without failure or malfunction! He is in control!... and blessed tidings, He cares for you and me, do we then worry?... let not our hearts be troubled, for we are worth more to Him than the grass or the sparrows that He careth for as well…:) 

Col 1.15-17 “Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him. And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.” 

Let me back track again. When I first came to know the Lord, something that struck me as well was that when I travelled in the cars of the saints, the radios would be off! (for me that would be like, wah! So pelik wan… haha.. but those examples lingered in my mind) If it were on, only Christian music would be playing :) 

Previously used to download much music and movies… but as I began to read more of the Word, the Holy Spirit began to work and burden me with the truth that I was thief… yes thief!.. I was stealing!... there’s no two ways about it, piracy is stealing, if looking at another woman with lust in the heart is equivalent to adultery (Matt 5.28), downloading something free that rightly belongs to another without paying for it is stealing! I had learnt to play the guitar by listening to worldly songs! So yeah, but the time came when I had to delete all of it, by His grace managed to do so… it was difficult to hit the delete button, but there was joy afterwards for the comfort and conviction that what was being done was right according to His Word :)!

So back to the timeline once again.. I was preparing myself to head to Sabah, my sis and future bro in law followed me there to help get settled, it was my first time going on a plane (there was the controlled ‘jakun-ness’, but inside was very excited.. hehe.. was thankful for the experience to get to ride on a plane, I think that if I didn’t go to Sabah, it would have probably been a very long time before travelling on a plane :) ). Before going to Sabah, one of the things that I was praying was for preservation and for the Lord to guard my heart, and to remember the seriousness of the unequal yoke (this too, if you would like to know more, please do not hesitate to email me, or DV can chat sometime on this topic :) )… but more on this in a while.. 

So arrived there, and place was really beautiful :)… from my dorm, every day by God’s grace I had a beautiful undisturbed view of the scenic Mt. Kinabalu and the valley below it.. the cloud formations over there were extra sublime :) 

It was known as the land below the wind, and indeed it IS! At some times, the wind was really strong, which was really cool in both senses of the word :) 

I’m just trying to explain that it was a really beautiful place :) 

Also before I entered university, and early in my Christian walk, I was acquainted with apologetics, particularly creation science, and found articles from answers in genesis (AIG) and institute of Christian research (ICR) particularly fascinating! :) 

‘Somehow or another’ those good topics that I read would have immense bearing on what I was about to learn later in my university days. 

Wonderful isn’t it? God’s preparation… During that time, I was oblivious to it all, was just reading and happy to be understanding things from a biblical view, I was worried on where I would go for university, I was thinking that I would have to re-sit my exams… notice something?... all the ‘I’s… a lot of emphasis on me and my concerns and how I thought it all depends on me, I mean there’s that acknowledgement that the Lord Jesus Christ is Lord, but there are certain compartments that I kept to myself… dear saint, while we trod this desert sojourn, we will never be perfect, but lets strive for perfection, daily walking and beholding Him more and more that may result in us becoming more like Him, not living for self, but His glory alone!, seeking to live simply by faith and obeying what He has laid upon our hearts through His revealed Word and by the prompting of the Holy Spirit (more light will be given according to the light that we have responded unto :) ) 2 Cor 3.18, Gal 2.20, John 14.26;16.13 

The first lecture that i heard, I already knew that something was wrong, in that what they were teaching was wrong, one of the key thought of geology is evolution( a die hard geologist will learn to chant this 'mantra' - 'the present is key to the past' which is not true.. in order to understand the present we must go back to the past, but who can tell us about the past? do we know the past? we must trust the Lord God, for He is eternal, before there was a 'beginning' He is there, and He has given us His record in the Word, and His record is true!  by the Lord's grace when i heard that 'mantra' immediately alarm bells went ringing! ), which mind you is utter rubbish packaged in such a nice form that if it were delivered to you not only would many say thank you but would pay for the wonderful display of the packing that is given!!, but inside is filled with filth and decrepit useless ‘knowledge’ and ‘ideas’ that will leave your home putrid and corrupt yours and your families minds! Yes, it’s such a serious thing! (here again, if you would like to have a chat, please do so, or please email, im fine with either :) ).. Beware of the lie of evolution, it comes to you in various packaging’s, some very subtle and delightful, even in the movies that we might ‘enjoy’.. .. here’s an area of serious thought for the believer, in what he watches and partakes of with the unbeliever, does the unbeliever know of my stand on the truth? Do I take it as a trivial matter?... do these things burden me??... Sincere prayer needs to be undertaken in these matters, and our witness before others MUST NOT be one of mere legality but one that is carried out in love, tenderness, and grace, and may we remember that each of us in answerable to our Lord… as mentioned, these are solemn things, we often like to think upon the ‘big’ things… but dear saint, how about starting small, and moving from there, can I encourage with you with all my heart to begin in the small things, ask for light to reveal the darkness, let me assure, you will never be dismayed if the heart is sincere, let us not waver in our prayers.. James 1.2-8 

There were a LOT of false teachings and ideologies being permeated in university, but by His grace, managed to discern the errors and keep away from the darkness, also dear saint, let me here assure you, you need not study the darkness to understand it, go into the Word, in there is light, and the light will reveal the darkness. Psa 119.105, Eph 5.8-14, John 3.19-21. 

Now like I said, before I went to university, among the things that were continually in my prayers were for wisdom to understand His Word, not to be led astray by wrong teaching, not to let the love of money creep in, and for the heart to be protected against entering a relationship with an unbeliever.. 

The heart is indeed deceitful, but here again I’m utterly thankful for the preservation of the Lord! There was this Catholic course-mate, and as we began talking, sought to witness to her on the true way of salvation, by and by she developed feelings, but I said no, because I realized this would be wrong scripturally, so stood my ground…. Or so I thought!... after a while I thought (dear saint, please always take note when the “I” begins to think, if the “I’s” thinking is in tandem and fully in submission to the Word then do give thanks unto the Lord, but if the “I” begins to think on its own, slowly reasoning things out on its own, put up BIG RED WARNING SIGNS BEFORE YOURSELF!!... SLAP YOURSELF if you must!... if need someone else to do it, call me, will be ready to do so! Here again, you may be laughing, but seriously, by His grace im trying to impress upon you the seriousness of the matter!! i'm deadly serious about this, but even if you don't believe me, search out God's Word and see the proof there in, just take a look at the history of the nation of Israel amongst others…. Read Jer 17.9-10) 

My reasoning was “perhaps she may become a believer upon beginning a relationship”… the hiss of the serpent was behind such insinuations, I was clearly going against a direct command from scripture and one which I professed to know at that!!..2 Cor 6.14 

The enemy is ever subtle, be watchful, he may come at you sometimes as the subtle serpent, the roaring lion, or beguiling as an angel of light… and he ever seeks to instill doubt or insinuate diversions from the Word, think back upon the temptation of Eve in the garden, and if you want to know how to respond, look at the Lord and His temptation(mind you the Lord not only did not sin, but could not sin, this is an important aspect of the impeccability of our Lord, again, please contact me if you’d like to discuss further on this aspect), and how he responded with a firm adherence to the Word. Use the sword wisely brethren! May we train ourselves up from young! And train others as well! :) 

So I had my foolish notion, but thankfully nothing worked out, and she said no. After that it was so clear what a mess I would have made had pursued down such an erroneous path. Am thankful for that very useful lesson, but please don’t think im using this as means to say you have to learn by experience, NO!!... be faithful to His Word at all costs.. Whatever sacrifice it entails us being obedient, may we do so, remembering that we are not our own, and that we are bought with a price, and what a price! 

If it’s in His will, the Lord will bring the right help-meet to you in His time, no need to pursue or rush into things. What to do then you may ask? 

Pray. 

And? 

Pray more.. 

And? 

Prayer yet more and be patient, and with all that praying and waiting, consecrate yourself wholly unto the Lord, and remember that while waiting if so be that the Lord has laid upon your heart a certain individual, don’t let the individual or the waiting for the individual divert your attention from the Lord. This is paramount, give the Lord Jesus Christ His rightful pre-eminence, commit it all unto His care, and by the patient waiting and watching and working, your walk with Him will become more precious as you walk, and your yearning unto His return as well, and if so by His will things work out as prayed for, nothing changes, I mean the praying and all else that entails, there will be more thanksgiving to given no doubt, but it will be two individuals whom the Lord has brought together and having a common purpose and direction in Him. There’s many other things to be considered as well, but start with these simple things and move on from there, always, always, always, seeking His guidance, seek the counsel of elder brothers and sisters as well, whilst at the same time not falling into extremes of listening to so much counsel but neglecting to discern the clear direction from God, and dear saint, can I lovingly urge you again and encourage/implore you if you are thinking upon such matters, do not rush, but wait upon Him, you will by no means regret it no matter what the outcome of your prayers :) !! 

In university, transportation was an issue, I asked my parent’s for a motorbike, but they got me a car instead!! :).. they were worried for my safety :).. it’s by God’s grace was managed to have a car in uni, it was by the same money that we received upon my brother’s return to the Lord. The car was a real blessing, not only to me in travelling, but by His grace unto others as well, for assembly activities, fetching people to and fro, course-mates for mcd-ing etc etc. :)

Assembly wise in KK, it was difficult in terms of the practices, for they were not in accordance with New Testament principles. Yes, they were saved, but not being wholly obedient unto the Word, please don’t get me wrong, they were nice people, and extended much gracious hospitality to us students. In the first year there were 3 of us, but slowly the numbers grew by His grace. 

Had a chat with the elder and his wife on why the way things were the way they were at the assembly. The answers sadly was not an answer but a self-justification for not practicing a truth, nevertheless, could not force upon them the truth, and left it at that, but those years also impressed upon me the importance of standing upon the Truth, and not seeking to please the people or flinch, and to be weary of having a seeming correctness but at which further examination reveals it was merely seeming, and not something that was in depth and rooted firmly in Him and practiced in loving obedience....

In the second or 3rd year, they asked me to help lead the students fellowship as the numbers increased and it was decided to have a separate students meeting, so prayed about it, and decided to take it up. This was my first time taking up a ‘leading’ role. The first book that we covered was on one of the Emmaus books on being ready to give a defense, it was apologetic in nature relating to creation etc. Bottom line, looking back these things were training ground for me by His grace. 

During the journeys and with the passengers i.e. dear fellow saints, we used to have varied conversations on so many matters, it was a challenge and a thrill to speak to them on things of the Word, it also became more apparent that so many are lacking in the Word, and have no basis of understanding, and so many need encouragement, and so many have great difficulties that they are facing, but often to our neglect and lack of talking and asking the questions and having the patience to delve into it(yes, by His grace learnt much of this :) by talking and also I’m sure the passengers did, they’d often joke at my ‘speeches’  ;) ), many of it goes unnoticed and we wonder why assemblies all over are having so many problems? 

Again dear saint, if you know of something and are able to help, and after praying about it, and burdened to assist in whatever way He has so revealed, may you please go about it? And above all do it in love…read  1 Cor 13... do it selflessly…drawing for His perfect love... whether it’s reciprocated or not, it matters not, do it as unto the Lord! :) Here again, many seek to do big things, start simple :).. also above all, if the life is not right before the Lord, please get it right by His grace before you seek to help others, a bleeding and wounded believer would not be of much help to another believer apart from sharing the same sorrows but they will be in a pit of despair and despondency(and sorry to say this, but the if not walking aright brothers and sisters mingle together and just mix up on their own and start comforting and giving advice to one another or partaking of mere activities to make themselves happy, this is a VERY VERY VERY dangerous situation, if you're doing so, please dear saint, wake up! again i say WAKE UP! the only way is to remedy the situation, is by coming to the Lord, and seeing clearly what He wants you do to, and don't delay in doing it!, you wont regret it!), we need more believers to be walking in the good of the promises of the Word, to encourage and build others further in their walk, not content on present or past achievements, and not using our failures as comfort to them(true failures can be used as an example but what I mean is that we have to be weary an extremely watchful that we do not gloss over our weaknesses, sometimes we do so and inadvertently gives others and ourselves a lower standard than which we should be aiming towards! we say that "ok la, i also did so and so, it normal"... is it?.. it's not dear saint.. sadly i've encountered much errornous advice amidstt the assemblies, take heed brethren.. Jer 17.9-10!! ), but rather giving Christ Jesus His place before the eyes, that the hearts may persevere and endure towards the mark of our high calling in Him!!! 

May His love compel and constrain our hearts to have a deeper understanding of the needs of those around us… think of your body.. when you have a cut, straight away the blood comes out, but with it a whole battalion of cells is at work, there’s the clotting agents that working behind the scenes, signals are being sent and various cells with specific functions are performing in tandem with directions from the head to rectify and heal the cut… 

We are members one of another… am I aware that another has a cut? Do I aggravate the injury? Do I tarry in assisting? Do I know in which area that I may assist? Am I performing my function based on directions from the Head i.e. the Lord or in self-will for my own glory ?(may it NEVER EVER EVER BE SO ) 

Bottom line, am thankful for those times of wonderful conversations that I had by His grace, I learnt much from seeing the simple devotion of a sister then as well. 

Behold sisters! Take heart, the simpleness and quietness is witnessed and appreciated and is an encouragement! Once again, more so it’s precious unto our Lord. Be not disheartened! :) . . 

Brothers, may we take a cue from the sisters and humble ourselves in the things we can learn from them in the simple and practical devotion that they have for Him. :) 

Initially I was funded by PTPTN, but in my second year I received a convertible loan offer from PETRONAS! Gladly took it. Here again it was God’s grace at work, in terms of money, all was provided for, and especially with the car, and the travelling, God was able to use this blessing for the benefit of others. My prayers for not seeking to be worried about money were answered; actually all of my prayers were answered! Preservation for the heart, wisdom to understand His Word, protection from false teachings, whenever I failed it was my fault alone, and looking back again, its ever true, though I failed, He remained faithful, don’t get me wrong, we must confess our sins, but what im saying is that His faithfulness is indeed new every morning, are we basking in it and giving Him thanks? Every circumstance though outwardly may seem dim, God has his purposes, what is paramount is for us to ensure that we are walking firmly and lovingly according to His Word, and that no matter what, He goes before us and with us, do we need to fear what may or may not come to pass? (do I give mental ascent to this but is this an inward reality, oh my dear brother and sister, this is something we need to ask ourselves always in our walk until He takes us home.. ) 

While doing my studies, I would more rather spend my time in His Word, was indeed wondering what He wants me to do at that time, was wondering if Geology was the thing that He wanted to pursue as a career. Was looking for good books at the library in the assembly, didn’t have much, apart from a few helpful books by Mr. Moody and Spurgeon. When Doulos came, got few more resources from there. Despite having these thoughts in my mind, continued studying of course, whilst seeking to know more of His Word. 

By God’s grace, the time of graduation came. So fast three years flew by! 

Again, I need to backtrack :) During my internship, I was in Kuala Lumpur, and was looking for an assembly, the assembly in Sabah had commended me to another assembly which sadly was worse off :(… so I went to a few other assemblies, and what I witnessed was just sad sadly :(!!.. ‘somehow or another’ the student’s fellowship contacted me, and I explained my situation to a sister there who shared the same views as I did, and she contacted a brother in Kajang (I’m staying there now!!, and in fellowship with one of the assemblies over here! :)! ) who contacted another dear brother whom by God’s grace had a good impact on my life as well.. 

Upon seeing all the assemblies, at first glance, this assembly was like a breath of fresh air! :) 

So by His grace found an assembly that was seemingly practicing NT principles of gathering. So for the rest of my internship continued there. Two brothers and an aunty became close to me during that time in their own way. The aunty was like a motherly figure. The brother whom I mentioned previously had an immense knowledge of the Word, and his love for the Word was just really wonderful and such an encouragement to behold, and again of paramount importance, he pointed the listener to Christ and not himself. The other brother was often misunderstood by others, but by far is among the ones with most zeal that I have met. 3 varying characters, but had a good impact on my life by His grace. Was there for only 3 months, but would return… the story will continue in a while… back to the timeline… 

After graduation, was looking forward to begin work! :) 

But, it did not happen… was calling HR of Petronas repeatedly.. but still no answer, was praying continually, one of the things that I prayed was, “Lord, give me anything, even if its HR” 

Guess what? 

The Lord answered precisely as what I prayed for!! :)! 

It took one year of waiting, at that time I was wondering why so long, but at the same time was thankful for the time given, with my internship money, had purchased some books through the brother I mentioned previously, as well pouring through some good websites to feed upon :) 

Looking back at that time of waiting, it was really trying, and really coming to nothing, at one point I told my parents, if I don’t get a job by Aug(this was in 2009, for it would have been exactly one year since graduation), please sell the car.. and before I knew it, the offer letter came in for the job… as mentioned it was not a technical job, but one that related more to HR (capability development, i.e. monitoring and tracking of staff’s technical development, though it’s not in the job description, a big chunk of the unwritten work is dealing with the staff’s personal problems :) ) 

Ironically as well, my first time taking a message on a Sunday morning at JBGC was my last week there :) the week after was heading to KL for the job. 

So I took the job. Before starting the job, we had to go for this induction program in Bangi. So ‘somehow or another’ I got into contact with the same brother who knew the sister in Kajang. Was happy to find a simple assembly seeking to be faithful, had a warm time of fellowship and meal later at the elders house and with a few other saints. Little did I know that I would in fellowship here later on!! :) 

So the started the job, and began to question within myself and being dissatisfied with not being offered a job on what I studied! (Jer 17.9-10!!!) I was a fool la, the job was perfect for me, time wise-hardly needed to stay back, didn’t need to go offshore, I could allocate maximum time in diving through the Word and contentment that im not sacrificing quality at work either. Also, God is gracious in providing me a job which didn’t need to go offshore, if I were to be offered a job at entry level without being able to go offshore it would be very difficult, but the waiting of one year was perfect timing for the position that I was sitting in, the incumbent was about to move on, and when he did, I was offered his place, so it was all in His perfect timing and wisdom. Me being the fool that I was, thought I was wiser. But along the line I came to my senses! I realized that I had prayed for anything, even HR, and God graciously answered :), and also that it was a job that was suited to me… there came a time when we had to decide if we wanted to return to the technical line because they were revising the salary scheme where if I returned, I would get an increase in RM 1000 a month, by His grace I turned it down, for I realized that He wanted me elsewhere… 

But you know what, along the line, I fumbled, and I asked my superiors if I could return, they said ok (here again, there was not much prayer, more of self will, I had learned the importance of prayer in certain aspects, what I needed to learn was the importance of prayer in EVERY ASPECT, and God is ever gracious with His slow and dull child!!) So I had a short stint in the technical line, but immediately when I was there, realized the mistake I had made, more so I had just come back from a bible camp, and the message that was given spoke directly to my heart, was like arrows piercing, it was clear, I had made a mistake, the Word of God was speaking clearly and bright as noonday sun, I had made a mistake in my choice… 

What was I to do? 

I prayed about it, and talked about it… talked to my two bosses… they were like two sides of the world coming at me and trying to ensnare, but by His grace managed to make my stand… one was trying to cause me worry and anxiety and inconvenience that it would cause, but in my mind I realized the inconvenience that it would cause and apologized to them repeatedly for it, but mentioned that I had to honour God, by His grace was managed to say those things… the other boss was trying to lure me on the prospective monetary loss that my decision would incur upon… by His grace, I could not care about that…so they accepted, but the capability department was being shifted elsewhere and there were no positions at the new place, so I was transferred to this new unit which I had no idea what they did, but I thought will not seek to press my thoughts, but just go with what was offered (I had cursory info on what it entailed). 

Lo and behold, the big boss of my unit knew my late brother, so had some interesting conversations with him. While at this unit, it was a real struggle, as it was very business-y, which im not.. but His grace was and is sufficient! :) 

Im still at this same unit, and the bosses are extremely understanding, they are like those motherly characters, I’ve taken frequent MC’s due to my blurry vision(pre-cursor to a seizure), and they are wholly understanding and kind, and often ask me whether or not it’s due to work, and if yes they can lessen the load! :) How often do you get bosses who are understanding like that? God’s grace once more! :) 

Have mentioned to them that I would like to return to capability building work scope(and they agree and understand), and the department on the other end is willing to accept me as well, but not rushing anything, waiting upon Him :) 

Also to younger believers, allow me to exhort you, don’t set your heart on gaining a lucrative salary, don’t let the love of money be your desire, be very careful! 1 Tim 6.10 There is nothing wrong with being wealthy, but make sure it’s not your love, and something which takes away the pre-eminence of Christ in our lives. Then the other part is stewardship, use the resources that God has given wisely and for His glory, remembering it’s better to give than to receive, and whatsoever we do, may we do so with a loving and cheerful heart! :) ! 

When doing my form 6 I could hardly think that I would be offered a job which pays well, I mean I wasn’t searching or thinking upon it in my wildest imagination, but God by His grace has granted me a job with many benefits, but again, as with the provision so the responsibility, just trying to emphasize His gracious provision :)!! 

Let me backtrack yet again. For about a year plus or so I was staying with my eldest brother and attending the assembly in KL. The time staying with my brother was a trying one, was trying to witness to him, but at the same time was grieved at the lifestyle that was being lived. 

He was seeing someone who was a professing Catholic and she mentioned that she was seeking to help him see the truth, but sadly the I could sense it was not the case. Sent a long email to her seeking to explain things to her, there was no reply. 

Was growing uncomfortable staying over there, and I think perhaps in some ways, so did my brother, but he did not say anything. 

As some of you may know, by His grace, I manage to purchase quite a number of books. It came to the time of yearly tax filing, my brother wanted to use my receipts for his filing since I had extra. By His grace and strength, I gave an affirmative ‘no’, for that would be lying. He was quite upset. Again he asked a few days later, my reply was the same. This time he was angry, and he said, ‘if that’s the case, I have no use of you staying here.’ 

It was sad to hear that coming from your brother, but I knew he did not know the Lord, and he needs to know Him, was previously praying that he may be broken and now more so the prayer was lifted up, went to my room and prayed, there were tears of sadness as well as facing the unknown, where was I to go? 

Should I ever doubt His faithfulness? 

Nevah!! 

:)!!!!!!! 

I was praying about it, did not tell anybody it yet, then this dear aunty that I mentioned had a chat with me and mentioned to her the situation, she offered me her place which she was planning to rent! :) No searching required! The house came to me!! :) !! 

It gets even better! :’) 

She said I need not pay anything! She said she understands how difficult it is to begin work in KL, the many commitments and the cost of living (she has an interesting testimony and very encouraging :) ), and also because the Lord has been very gracious to her (she's quite well to do, she’s an unmarried faithful aunty), that she’s in a position to help… told her I appreciate it, but I can’t accept such terms, I need to pay something, she replied that I can pay whatever amount I so wish! :) … brethren this is grace and love being applied, may we learn it and replicate it, remembering the grace of our Lord, did we deserve it? No, it’s grace, may that same love and grace characterize our walk… daily.. :) 

So the day came to leave, the expression on my brother’s face was if he did not care, it was a sad thing, but a thing which I realized whether or not things came to pass the way it did, I needed to move out actually. 

So was staying in this place, and at that time, the other brother I mentioned about, was looking for a place to stay, so he stayed with me until I moved back with my bro!.. yes I did!... but that story continues a little bit after this… 

First must mention on the time at the assembly. Here again the Lord was training, many a thing was learnt at the time there… what you ask? 

· Don’t let problems lie under the carpet. Solve it with love and grace. 

· We can have the truth, but how we dispense it is so important. 

· We must have the humility to acknowledge the sin we have committed as an assembly before we seek to move forward. 

· Revival is needed, and there is no other way apart from hearts seeking to open the Book, and examine it by prayer and earnest confession and reliance upon the Spirit to walk in its precepts in love.
Also be VERY careful on whom you marry! Let me repeat.. BE VERY CAREFUL ON WHOM YOU MARRY!!! you may have a Godly desire, be sure the partner that you have in mind has the same desires as you and that you both love someone else more! yes make sure that the love unto the Lord is first in your lives!... after talking with many a saint, many of them look back at the 'glory days' when they were younger...  merely marrying a believer is not a right path altogether, please do ensure that the same passions are at heart, and then may indeed His will be done and His glory continually be manifested in lives in unison in service for Him...

· The Gospel must be practiced and proclaimed. 

· Unity can’t be manufactured, it needs to be kept.. read Ephesians 4. 

· Disciple-ship is a must. 

· Hospitality is a must. 

· Visitation is a must. 

· Going through the motions and having a form of soundness is a very present danger. 

· Gossip and slander is serious sin 

· Gossiping and backbiting against elders and the saints is potent in killing the testimony of the assembly and breeds deep and hard bitter roots, saints, beware!! 

· Living upon a name and past attainments is futile and pointless unless it’s a source of strength to recall His strength and grace and not to puff us up in thinking we are something when are nothing. We need to firmly remember that we are nothing, which brings me to my next and utterly important point… 

Above all, Christ must have the pre-eminence. He is everything. i am nothing! 

May we live as such by His sustenance, the fact that we need to live as such by His sustenance ought to show us that our all depends upon Him!... 

True, the things mentioned above were readily known, but they came home to heart more so then… 

There was a prayer meeting one Saturday morning… and couldn’t take in our lack of life, the deadness, and so put forth the question if we’re just going through the motions, are we really praying for things that need praying, more often than not, there’s more sharing at the coffee table than at the prayer meet, we’d rather be gossiping than sharing things of the assembly, and if things were shared on the assembly, there was this deadness and formality, and sadly the prayers resembled it as well… the rest were shocked at what was said, some took it wrongly, as in I was pointing fingers at them, I was not and that was not my intention at all… but yes perhaps in my zeal, the way the words came in excitement and fed-upness, it was not as wholesome as it ought to have been, chatted with them afterwards and clarified and apologized, some understood, some I do not know… but that was a useful lesson in learning as well by His grace… 

Was also involved in the senior Sunday school.. we were covering the book of Nehemiah and 1 John.. was happy on going through Nehemiah especially, not only was it a dear book, but much thought on revival and rebuilding (first message that He led me to speak back at JB was on the rebuilding by Nehemiah). 

But after a while I realized that there was much confusion in the teaching program and the various activities being held in which was contradicting. Was praying about it, and after a year decided not to continue. Was still by His grace trying to encourage individual saints. 

During that time as well, the two brothers, the aunty and myself gathered and were praying if the Lord was leading us to begin a new work, but after a while it became clear that the Lord was directing us each in different directions. 

Now before I continue with this story, allow me to return with the story of my brother. 

One day, I got a call from my brother. Was surprised, because we hardly contacted each other after I left, though was remembering him in prayer and that the Lord may brake him how so ever He deemed fit, and brake him He did!.... my bro was crying on the phone… was painful to hear him crying.. here was someone whom I knew to be very firm and won’t show his emotions openly, yet he was crying, something big must have happened… his relationship with his girlfriend had crumbled, and a big crumble… but the things he said that brought tears to my eyes, again, tears of joy and sadness intermingled (sadness because to see him undergo these things) joy because he said, I’ve neglected God all this while, and put Him to the side when I’ve know what He said is true… he also said that he treated me wrongly! Told him no need to apologize ever, and he’s forgiven even before saying those things… asked him if I can over now, he said no, he doesn’t want me to see him in that condition… did see him in a few days, had a good chat with him, and he asked me to move back with him, and this time could see that he was different, but was unsure if it was repentance or remorse… told him would wait and pray about it… 

After a while aunty mentioned that she was considering selling the house, she did not ask me to move, but I thought it best and since have been praying about it, the time came for another move, and so I moved back with my brother, we did simple studies in Proverbs, with some questions put forth. He mentioned to give him time to understand things further so am seeking to do so, but a thing that burdens me is that the longer one spends in the Catholic church, the more likely they are to be confused rather than understanding the Word. Am praying and not to let worry or doubt creep in.. 

This whole event with my brother was a miracle in itself, there were many realizations that hit him, His sinfulness and the need of a Saviour, but he needs good follow up, praying that his heart may be willing for it… I don’t know how the story will continue, but as said, am looking to Him :) 

I have left out a big chunk on the blessing of my nephew towards my parents’ lives – it’s a big and beautiful chunk (if you’d like to know more, ask me personally, really la God’s grace is just baffling is it not? :) ! ) 

Now back to assembly life, realized the Lord was prompting me to leave the assembly, but where to go? 

Have been to BTGC a couple of times, told a brother and a sister at that assembly of my intent and consideration of moving to Kajang altogether and being in fellowship at BTGC, and appreciated their prayers. 

This group at the assembly in KL also knew of my intent and were praying. Some others within the bible study group once they found out I was leaving, were trying to persuade me to stay in that they hoped that the next generation could work a change in the assembly. That is faulty reasoning and a dangerous one at that, for firstly, God is able to raise whomsoever He pleases to fulfill His purposes, secondly, by strongly suggesting that to someone, you may unwittingly build pride in that person, much wisdom is needed in the things that we say, by God’s grace was not affected by the things that were said. 

Spoke to one dear elder in the assembly on my intent, and he gave the correct advice I would say, he mentioned that he was sad to hear on the decision, but if the Lord has laid this burden upon me and that im sure this is the path that He wants for me, by all means go and be faithful, for who is he to stop. Consider those wise words from someone who has been through a lot in assembly life, and really appreciated the advice he gave me that day.. :) 

Also, please don’t get mistaken, let me clarify here, no assembly is perfect, and before coming over had by His grace already observed some things, but there is a difference when one is willfully practicing error and when the situation is in weakness but yet is seeking to grow, this is where by God’s grace His strength can be manifest, and work accomplished for His glory. 

So yes, the day came to leave, but I had nowhere yet to stay in Kajang! 

Some were saying I was foolish! :) 

By God’s grace did not hold it against them, it’s just that they did not understand that’s all… 

The same God who had seen me through those long walks from school to piano lessons (there are tears in my eyes as i recall His faithfulness during those days, even now.. :’) ), would be the same One who would see me through these longer journeys from my brother’s place to kajang, from the train station in KL to Kajang, the commute both ways totaled roughly about 70 km, but it’s well worth it, well worth it.. and though there was no place to stay immediately, was assured that in His time He would provide, and am thankful for the realization that He gave me that if I waited till everything were perfect, that day may not come, and how much better to walk in faith knowing not the outcome, mind you I did not get this realization because im pandai or anything like that, by His grace these truths were bearing upon my heart, and the reality of His providence thus far in my life put forth the question “can you doubt Me”? More so when the burden was laid, difficult yes, but sweeter the dependence that comes with it, and so it has. And yes, by His grace within a couple of months i managed to find a place to rent! :)! I do not know what lies ahead, but I know He is with me, there will be hurdles along the race, but the desire is whatever be the part that be my portion to live it faithfully for Him and His glory. Dear reader, I hope what has been written here has been in some manner and encouragement to you, my weakness has left a great many thing untold, the riches of His grace is unsearchable, if you’ve trusted Him as Lord and Saviour, may we relish in plumbing the those limitless depths of His riches, and marveling that He though was rich, became poor that we may become rich! What a wonderful Saviour we have, I pray if you have not known Him, you will! 

Coming back to the race, among my favourite verses in the Bible is in Hebrews 12:1-2 

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” 

May we seek to intently gaze upon Him, we may stumble, but don’t fall completely(you can not EVER lose salvation, but i'm referring to having your testimony destroyed), if we fail, acknowledge it before Him, and may we not try to pick ourselves up, but look to Him and Him alone. 

There’s this poem on my wall in my office, someone passed it sometime back, and thought the words were precious hence pasted it :) wanted to end with hymns but think these two are beautiful as well :) 

Shalom :) 

Until I learned 

2 Sam 22.3 

Until I learned to trust, 

I never learned to pray, 

I never learned to fully trust 

‘Till sorrows came my way. 

Isaiah 40.31 

Until I felt my weakness, 

His strength I never knew – 

Nor dreamed ‘till I was stricken 

That He would see me through. 

Psalm 32.7 

Who deepest drinks of sorrow, 

Drinks deepest, too, of grace; 

He sends the storm, so He Himself 

Can be our hiding place. 

Romans 8.18 

His heart that seeks our highest good, 

Knows well when things annoy; 

We would not long for heaven 

If earth held only joy. 

:) 

“Thy Will, Not Mine” 

“That thy trust may be in the Lord, I have made known to thee this day, even to thee.” Prov 22.19 

Lord, when I cannot understand 

Thy silence in the hour 

When I most need Thy helping hand 

And Thy deliv’ring power 

This shall my joy and comfort be, 

That so it seemeth good to Thee. 

When things whereon my heart is set, 

Thy sovereign will denies, 

If I am tempted to forget 

That Thou are just and wise 

Let this my joy and comfort be 

That so it seemeth good to Thee. 

When sinners prosper while the just 

Are chastened every day; 

When hope lies hopeless in the dust 

Through unexplained delay, 

Then let my joy and comfort be, 

That so it seemeth good to Thee 

When those I love from me depart 

To mansions in the skies 

And sorrow overwhelms my heart 

And blinds my weeping eyes 

O Lord! Let this my comfort be, 

That so it seemeth good to Thee 

Thus onward to the very end, 

My Lord, my God, my All, 

I will not doubt my heavenly Friend; 

But, whatsoe’er befall - - 

This shall my joy and comfort be, 

That so it seemeth good to Thee.

:)