~Part 1~
Warning: really long post ahead
The desire in sharing this is that we may marvel and magnify His Name, in seeing His gracious dealings with each of us, may His Name be exalted and as you read may your heart be encouraged in what a faithful Lord we come before, and if you do not know Him yet, may your heart be burdened with a sense of inquiry into the sinfulness of your heart, and to seek after the perfect Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ…
:)
Just a couple of days ago, had the pleasure and joy of listening to a sister share of the Lord's testimony in her life and how by His grace she came to the knowledge of her sinfulness and her need for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, seems like a simple story doesn't it?; when we just say it like that, but ah no, to every saint, every single blood bought child of God(what a privilege, that we are! :) ! ), how He has revealed Himself to us and continues to sustain us is unique, and just purely sublime!, it leaves us in awe that He who is the Creator and Sustainer of all things, cares for us, His creatures who shew forth clenched fists against Him, but by His grace when we beheld Him and His manifold love for us which was unto death, even the death upon the cross, and in repentance and faith in His finished work, those clenched fists turned into clasping hands holding back the tears from a drooping head realizing all that we are and the wretchedness of our sinfulness, how deserving we are to be banished forever in hellfire , and beholding who He is, and what He has accomplished on our behalf, the One in whom did no sin, knew no sin, and in Him is no sin (2Cor 5.21, 1Pet 2.22, 1Jn 3.5), yet endured sufferings that were beyond comprehension!... we often sing of that beautiful hymn and its verily true, Hallelujah, what a Saviour!!
I was born on Feb 25, 1985, 5.59 a.m. It was a Monday. Yes, i checked. I'm the youngest of four siblings. My eldest brother is 8 years older, my second brother was 7 years older, and my sister is 6 years older.
We were a simple family. My dad worked as a 'pencatit-masa'('time-keeper) with the JBA(Jabatan Bekalan Air - Water Works Department). I always wondered as a kid what pencatit masa's(do they like check the time?? :) ) work consisted of, apparently it’s something below a technicians job, it consisted of renewing road tax on the machinery at the workshop, and other miscellaneous administrative work. The work did not contribute much monetarily, but here again; it’s an occasion of the grace of God.
How you ask?
At this time, my whole family did not know God. (Matt 5.45) But yet, He was kind and gracious in providing my dad with a job with the government, that made him eligible for a pension etc. My dad only studied until Form 3, so one of his cousins helped him to get a job. This cousin was an unbeliever, but looking back i see it as God's gracious hand of provision (the fact that I can realize it in itself, is His grace, I know I might seem to be continually harping about this, but it’s just so true, I wish could express to you verbally), and one that we did not deserve at that, in using others to help us, throughout our lives, there are more of this, but let’s continue... :)
By the way, my dad was born in 1944 - so he's.. 2012-1944......68 plus this year.
My mom was born in 1951, so she's 61 this year.
My mom was a housewife, and make no mistake i say that with utter gratitude to God for the providence in having a stay at home mom! :)
So ok, there were 6 of us in the family. My dad's salary was hardly enough to support all of us, all school going kids, food, books, tuition, by God's grace as well we had helpful relatives and friends to support and help with finances, some lent without expecting anything in return, some did, and my parents kept a firm account of those that did, though to be honest we had no idea of how we would ever be able to pay those debts. But thanks to God as well, we didn’t resort to loan sharks or anything of that sort!
We came from a Catholic background. However, we stopped going to Catholic church when i was about 6 years old. Why?
My mom through her reading and various tracts passed from her sister, and ultimately by the grace of God, came to know the true God, and begin to see the light and to be free from the shackles and bondage of sin, and so she told my dad that we should stop going to the Catholic church (if you would like to know more on the sins and false teachings of the Catholic church, please feel free to send me an email at don(dot)andris(dot)c(at)gmail(dot)com ). My dad however was a die-hard Catholic, and was heavily involved in the church, when i say heavily involved i mean, sort of a familiar figure, everyone knew him, my dad is sort of the kawan masyarakat type of person i.e. friend of the people :)... so yeah.. and as i've mentioned to some before, he actually mentioned before, 'i'm born a Catholic, and i'll die a catholic!' such was the blindness sadly..
So, as you can imagine, it was difficult. As when light starts to come in, the enemy is more on the attack, and instilled much anxiety in my parents’ life. More quarrels on money matters, also the enemy instilled doubts into my mom's mind that my dad was having an affair (he wasn’t!), and this made things worse.
The fighting’s and arguments perpetuated. Sometimes it got physical. I'm sure it was difficult for all of us siblings, one particular instance which made me really fear and cry was when my mom packed her bags and was ready to leave, the anxiety and heartache... the fear... i recall my sis and me going into my two brothers room... my eldest bro was telling us to be prepared for the worst...
But thankfully my mom didn’t leave, by God's grace she stayed. Things remained the same for some time.
Amidst that all, i need to back track a little. During my growing up years as a kid, my mom used to read the bible to me, we had two bibles, one was this really huge bible that you would imagine remaining on the pulpit of some large cathedral, but you know just there for display!.. yeah, we had one of those at home, full with Michelangelo stylized & picturesque photos!.. that and a more moderate sized KJV which was falling at the seams, but nevertheless my mom read the scriptures to me :)... By God's grace i was familiar with most of the Sunday school stories, i understood the 'moral worth' of the stories but did not know the Saviour, but it instilled the habit of reading the Scriptures... there was one instance i remember(yes i also don’t know how i can remember, coz i was very young!), my mom was telling me on loving the Lord, and something along loving the Lord and showing it, so i asked, by loving the Lord, can we kiss the bible? (ok, please remember i was a young child).. dunno what my mom thought, but she smiled and said its ok.. :)... i didn’t ask anything after that... a couple of days later; I went to cupboard where the bible was kept, looked left.. looked right.. to see if anyone was looking… i opened the cupboard, and yes, you guessed it, gave it(the gigantic bible) a quick kiss... you might be smirking, well so am I :), im just telling this to relate to you the atmosphere in which i grew up, but still yet i did not know the Lord...
Now, back to the time line, when i was about in standard 5, my dad's company, the jabatan bekalan air got privatized, so the government housing which we were staying in were no longer permissible, and hence we needed to shift into the place my dad had purchased some time ago, which is a miracle in itself!... but again, i need to backtrack in terms of the Lord's gracious provision in transportation!!... in the early days before i was born, we had a car, then later on we didn’t, but when my dad was working, one of the mechanics with whom my dad used to send the machinery and stuff for repairs, gave a car to my dad!.. Yes, gave! :) It was an old Austin, and i mean old!... but it was sufficient! :)... the mechanic restored the car for my dad, and it looked like new, refurbished seats, air-con and all! :)... God's grace.. God's grace! :)... and so, that's how we moved about...
Sometime later, one of my dad's relatives gave us a kancil... yes gave again!... and to receive a kancil at time for us, was like wah, receiving a benz or something... haha! :)... but we were like jakun's, or maybe it was just me, in any case we were really happy... when our neighbour's asked us how we bought the car, we said we didn’t buy it, someone gave it to us, but they didn’t believe!... it’s true isn't it today as well, many hear and see the good news of salvation, but sadly they don't believe it... have you believed the good news of salvation in the Lord Jesus Christ that He came from heaven, born of a woman, fully man, and fully God, to lay down His life for man, for no man taketh His life, but He layeth it down willingly, He bore the punishment for sin that was due to us, in order to meet God's righteousness and holiness, in which we could never do, but He being perfect, died on our behalf, and blessed tidings, not only died, but is risen forevermore seated at the right hand on the Majesty on high... there is forgiveness for sin, you can be reconciled unto God, do you realize that you're an enemy of God?, your sin nature and your sins separate you from God, but thanks be to God, that the Lord Jesus Christ is indeed the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and no man cometh unto the Father but by Him... stop working for salvation, our works are as filthy rags, they will never meet God's righteous demands! ONLY the Lord Jesus Christ can and has!... Will you repent of your sins and in faith truth the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of your life??... Judgement will come by and by, will you be sheltered by the firm and finished work of Christ, or are you trusting in the edifice of self-righteousness? if the latter is the case, it’s as if you are building upon the sand, and make no mistake when the waves come, great will be the fall thereof... if you trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, it’s as if you're building upon the Rock, flee to Him, for He indeed offers refuge and security, and those that trust in Him shall not be ashamed, when the waves come, nothing can happen to the building, for the foundation is eternally secure for its immovable and utterly perfect, utterly!
Back to the story.. Even in my dad being able to purchase the house is another miracle! :) The person at the bank told my dad that it would be a financial embarrassment for him to purchase the house, but my dad did so any case, one of my dad's cousins helped with the down payment! God's grace once again!!...
Things became more difficult for me when my siblings were in uni, and i was at home alone. My parents fighting grew worse. Spent many a time crying.. Used to cry on the phone to my eldest bro... and here is the amazing thing... my eldest bro was an unbeliever, and guess what his advice was?... "andris, read the bible"... so ok la, my eldest brother told me to read, what else la, i started to read! :)... My siblings had gotten me my first bible, it was a NIV study bible, but it served its purpose for that period of time by His grace :) The bible came with personalized bookmarks from all three of them, of which i still have until today! :)
My second brother and sister became believers in university. They were involved in the student fellowship over there and came to know the Lord through the outreach efforts done.
There came a time when they sat down with us, and bro was saying that it’s about time we as a family get our lives right with God. So they were wondering which church we could go to (mind you, at that time we did not know anything whatsoever on assembly principles, I mean my siblings). The concern that we had was on where my dad would feel comfortable, because coming from a Catholic background, though there were many errors done, one thing they had was a ‘form’ of reverence, and so my dad would not be acceptable of churches where they had loud music and stuff(which was a blessing in itself! :) ). Somehow or another (actually here again it’s God’s grace!), one of my sister’s friends attended Johor Baru Gospel Chapel (JBGC), and recommended it to her :). It’s interesting and sad as well that this person who introduced us to the assembly is no longer in fellowship, but sadly stopped coming after a while, but God put her there at the right time. It’s just baffling I tell you and brings one to the dust.
Can I pause for a moment? By God’s grace let me seek to encourage you dear sisters in the assembly, though the part in the assembly may be a silent one, there is much, much, much that you can do for the Lord, and the little that is done in simplicity, love and faithfulness, though it may go unnoticed by the saints, its seen by Him whose eyes are as a flame of fire, and its precious in His sight. Also, never ever, NEVER EVER be dismayed if you do not see the results in the labour that’s done unto Him immediately, but in due time, by His grace things will come to pass that you did not think possible. I say this now with tears in my eyes thinking upon the faithful testimony and many prayers that were supplicated not only on my behalf but my family’s by quiet unassuming sisters in the assembly. Keep at it, wax stronger in Him, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”
If brothers are feeling left out, don’t be, please continue reading.. :)
So we started attending JBGC. I recall the first time my family went, my second bro by God’s grace was the one who gave us the extra push to go, but somehow or another, I didn’t want to go because my favourite show was on TV that particular morning(it was part of miniseries and was ending – looking back now I cringe at my stupidity! ), I recall my bro was quite upset with me, he kept telling I ought to go, and that if I don’t prioritize the important things now, I never will(that’s good advice by the way). I assured him that the following week I would go, and so I did. But the thing that he said that morning stuck with me… still does I mean.. :)
JBGC was somewhat different, something not that I expected in a church, funny isn’t it, unbelievers have a certain expectation or standard of truth to which a church should be compared against!.. Anyway, what struck me most was that it was solemn and simple, no outward adornments, no designated speaker i.e. while worshipping, sister’s heads were covered, there was reverence, the message seemed serious.. And after that, when talking with the people, they all seemed very warm and friendly… seemed to have genuine concern and care and love :) . . of course at time it was not appreciated fully, then it just seemed yeah interesting, this folks seem nice and a tad bit queer! ;)
In the beginning, there was a lot of dozing off during worship; I had to tell myself to stay awake! During the messages would be able to stay awake, because there was more turning of the pages in the bible, and by God’s grace, that was among the areas, where I began to pay attention, I saw others having notepads, so I thought that would be good as well, also as a preventing in case I ever fell asleep! :).. I thought taking notes would help keep me alert, so I took notes, noted down every reference that was mentioned, and went home and searched those things out, little did I know, I was actually doing what scripture required :)
But the area that really impacted was, after the meeting, the elder would take my dad and mom and myself to their place (which btw was beside the assembly) and do simple bible studies to illustrate the Truth, it’s there that I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, I knew that I was a sinner, I knew that I was lost, and in just simple faith accepted Him as Lord and Saviour of my life. But sadly I do not remember the exact date of my conversion, it was somewhere between my 15th and 16th birthday, and I got baptized as well.
So I was saved, all smooth sailing after that?
When I was saved, for the longest time I was silent in the assembly and just on the fringes so to speak. Why was this so? I was living in sin! I mean I knew the thing I was doing was sin, would repent, then back and forth in repetition, I was not living in the good of Romans 6, sin had no longer any dominion over me, when I was succumbing to the flesh I was feeding the my old nature, and not walking in the Spirit, I was reading my bible, going to the assembly, but sad to say just a nominal believer!
Perhaps you’re asking what was I doing or partaking off? It was pornography. Yes, make no mistake about it; it’s very serious, and very debilitating. To any brother suffering from this, to you I say, flee from it, flee, leave your coat behind by all means and flee, cut out whatever needs to be cut out, make no avenues for the flesh! And to other believers I might have just seemed as this new believer who was quiet, but if things continue on that way for a period of time, a lot of questions need to be asked!...
But by God’s grace managed to overcome (it did not happen overnight with me, but that does not mean it’s impossible!, I failed because of the weakness and the lack of walking closer to Him than I should have been doing, separating myself from these defiling things), how? Living in the good of God’s Word that is! Read Romans 6, read proverbs 7 as a warning, make a covenant with your eyes, let your eyes look straight ahead, pray, discipline yourself, and make no mistake, these things cannot be overcome by self-effort of any pseudo psychological help, its only possible by leaning upon the Lord wholly, WHOLLY, there’s no other way, lovingly submitting to the Spirit’s guidance and control, and seeking to give Christ the pre-eminence in the life. If you’re suffering from this, turn to Him dear brother, and that immediately, make your confession sincere, don’t delay, don’t hide (you can’t!), get on your knees and seek Him in all sincerity, you shall not be dismayed, shall not!!...
We had youth meetings, but I didn’t go for them. Among the reasons, was I was lazy!... but somehow or another (these ‘somehow or another’s’ as you’ve realized by now are actually God’s grace and loving kindness unto me and my family), this dear sister asked me one day, and I decided ok la just try it out(she’d been ‘bugging’ before this so ‘succumbed’ this time :) – again, dear saint, keep at your persistence/perseverance/endurance, may that persistence be coupled by grace and tenderness, knowing when to be firm and when to lay off, discerning His mind and will and timing in all that is done for Him).
Initially, felt a bit uncomfortable, as I did not know what to expect! But found it wholly enjoyable! :) !
We were studying the book of Ruth, and wow! Let me say again, WOW! These blessed periods of bible study opened the floodgates of the wondrous beauties of the Word of God, and above all drew me to see the beauties of the Lord shewn for in the Kinsman Redeemer. The study was in depth! Many a time ‘we think’ that in depth studies are impossible to be comprehended by new believers, I fear we limit the Holy Spirit by thinking thus, I mean if we simply pray that the new believers may understand what is being thought, do we doubt what we are praying for??... these are solemn questions that we need to ask ourselves, for I fear we do so currently… I know that others were praying for me, and those simple prayers bore fruit, for by His grace not only did I understand, but it gave me a deeper hunger for His Word… I heard things of Melchizedek… Mel-who? .. yes indeed as a new believer these were fantastic things to be comprehended… and I recall my feeble-ness… the dear brother(a brother in whom though he may not realize it, had a deep impact on my life, in His walk, and His love for the Lord and His Word, he by His grace served as a good sign post to follow after, for he himself was seeking to be faithful to the Lord and seeking to give the sole preeminence unto the Lord Jesus Christ alone) asked the question one time, “who thinks that Melchizedek had no father or mother”… I and a few others young in faith raised our hands… we were not laughed at, but the Word was carefully expunged unto us, and by His grace the things learnt stuck, and as mentioned, not only stuck, but spurred to deeper study of His Word… It’s just wonderful I tell you :)!!... from not wanting to go for these bible studies, I found myself by His grace taking the bus and a cab to get there to learn His Word… most definitely worth it!... was looking for Christian books to read as well… my bro had left this book at home, was among the first Christian books that I read, i.e. Mere Christianity, found it highly enlightening and appealing because it was very logical in its presentation…
Oh yes, I mentioned about sisters earlier, and just briefly about a brother earlier. Let me elaborate further if you don’t mind. He was simple and studious in his approach to the Word, he showed a kindness in seeking to build and guide and gently correcting along the way, and gave me a study bible which was much needed and valued in those early years of growing. There was firmness in character that was manifest, simply put, there was one that was seeking to walk the talk, who was no means perfect, but by God’s grace was a good example of what a man of God ought to be like, there was seriousness and solemnity that was characteristic coupled with approachability, and this was displayed in his father as well who had an influence in my life as well. So brothers, lets gird our loins, and quit ourselves like men, and be strong in the grace of our Lord. There are are other’s watching and seeking to follow behind… Do I realize these things?... Do they see me and see a Christ-like example?... Do I point them to myself or Christ?.. May it NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ad infinitum be to self, but to CHRIST ALONE!!!!!!!
The faithful testimony of brothers and sisters simply playing that God given role in their spheres is just wonderful to behold, and it glorifies His Name whilst simultaneously encouraging the saints…
Attending the Malacca Gospel Hall Bible Camps were also excellent, here initially also was reluctant to go, but prayerful brothers and sisters persuaded me to go, and the grounding received here was much valued.
Reading good Christian books is important(please don’t misunderstand me, im not saying that you cant grow if you don’t read any Christian books, the Holy Spirit indwells every true believer, and He is our teacher and helps us to understand the Word, but we must not fall into extremes, and not forget that He has equipped other Godly believers to write helpful materials), there’s a lot of erroneous teaching out there, but here again, by God’s grace, there was good food strewn along my path. Apart from ‘Mere Christianity’ which in a way strengthens one’s faith, it was by reading this little booklet entitled ‘Tabernacle in the Wilderness’ which opened up the vista of glories of the Lord Jesus Christ to me in His Word. How that every aspect of Scripture is important and nothing is written without purpose, and to seek to behold Him in all the scripture for He is indeed in all the Scripture. This little book so enraptured my soul, that at the next Malacca Gospel Hall camp, I was compelled to share on my gleanings with the little group that I was in, because it was just too beautiful to keep in!.. the colours, the pins, the boards, the design, the directions, the arrangement, alas its just beautiful!!... :)
Looking back now, it’s even more marvelous I tell you, for what was to befall me and my family in the days ahead, without a shadow of doubt, without knowing God, we would never have been able to cope… :’)
Firstly, in 2004, I was diagnosed with Epilepsy i.e. I had seizures. But by His grace as well it was nocturnal seizures. Here again, it’s just a part of the never ending plethora of His grace. How and why? Firstly, it was nocturnal seizures, so I only got it at night while I was asleep, and thus it did not affect my life so much, secondly, I did not get it earlier in life :) If I had gotten it earlier in life, it would have been very difficult for me to cope, and also just say if I had gotten random attacks, it would be difficult because growing up and wondering how other kids would respond. Also at this point I would like to backtrack again to my younger days on how He protected me even when I did not know Him. I used to take piano lessons, by God’s grace managed to finish until grade 8, though we could not afford to pay for some months, the teacher was very kind and gracious towards us. For some time we didn’t have a car, and after school I used to walk to piano classes and tuition, it would be about a 4km plus walk in totality (to and fro), during this time there were no seizures! It would have been difficult to undergo at that time, but God knew what that I was able to bear! His grace! Those walks were also training ground in terms of being ready to go through distances, I mean to be willing to travel, and even in this He trains step by step.. Also my piano teacher was very kind, she used to make drinks for me, because she knew I walked, sometimes she used to make ‘Spirulina’ for me, it was not what one would call tasty, but it had nutritious value, and was something I needed. God’s grace!... :).. sometimes, she would fetch me to the bus stop as well.. :) . . did I deserve this kindness?... No!.. God’s grace!
Back to the timeline, in 2004, my eldest brother who did not know God, had a child out of wedlock, they got married because of the child. That the child was born without any illness is another miracle and manifestation of God’s grace in the lives of those who were willfully ignoring God! My former sister in law(they are now divorced :( ) had leukemia, and epilepsy (this was a result from the medication she was taking for the leukemia). The medication that she was taking made having a child very precarious, among the things that could have happened was spina bifida, liver problems, etc! But no, by God’s grace, the child was normal and healthy! :) ! Needless to say, this whole event had a big impact on my family, it was difficult times, but by His grace we were pulling through.
On May 1st 2004, our lives changed very drastically, my second brother, who was the spiritually strong one in the family, was involved in car accident. He was coming back from Kerteh on a surprise visit, and what a surprise indeed! My sister received a call from the Kota Tinggi police station to go to the hospital over there. We immediately left, a sense of nervousness crept over everyone, as they just mentioned that he was involved in an accident and nothing further. We informed my eldest brother who was at his in-laws at that time, and he left immediately as well. We prayed in the car, but there was much silence throughout.
My brother arrived there before we did… I still recall his face… in my heart I was saying oh no, oh no…
My mom was already panicking… we ran out of the car…
Our fears were indeed a reality, my brother had died, though we knew He had gone to be with the Lord, the sense of pain and heartache was just overwhelming, overwhelming in that moment of time…
But I don’t think I can understand what my parents underwent, especially my mom, it was the first time in my life to witness someone wailing…
Many of the saints came, and the love that was shown was even more overwhelming, many of the people that whom by God’s grace my brother had an impact on in uni days came as well, we were very touched that they came, there really was sooo many people!!!...
By God’s grace as well, we managed to shew forth a good testimony, that though we were sorrowing, we were not sorrowing as those that are without hope! For we knew where he had gone, and that because of the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ! There was pain no doubt, but there was victory and joy amidst the gladness, there were tears of pain, but it was intermingled with tears of joy for I knew he was with the Lord, if it had been my eldest brother, it would be another story altogether!
Two lovely hymns became very precious then (had sung them before, but they became more so precious when they were sung during the funeral) i.e. ‘All the way my Saviour leads me’ and ‘My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness’.
One of my brother’s bosses who now happens to be my General Manager(same employers), said that he recalls the calmness of my parents in the sense that they accepted what had happened to my brother. By God’s grace it’s a good testimony to have. :)
After my brother’s passing, it was the company’s policy to hand a certain sum of money to the family. By God’s grace, with this sum of money, we were able to repay ALL the debts that my family had (including the unpaid money to my piano teacher :) ). Though we did not wish for things to happen in such a way, we were grateful for God’s gracious provision.
There's more but i'll end for now, and even in the details above, i've not begun to scratch the surface of His goodness and grace, oh wont you taste and see, that the Lord is indeed good and blessed is the man that trusteth in Him!
~End of Part 1~
