Be ye warned! Long post ahead! :)
The words below are from a book I read some time ago, at that time I realized it was precious advice, for it encourages scriptural principles, principles on what you ask? Courtship.
The title of the book is “Love’s Most Excellent Way”.
If you’re interested, I can lend to you, after I read it yeah, currently re-reading it.
Below is an excerpt from it:
“How to prepare and keep fit.
People are too apt to think of love-relations as involving merely and entirely the emotions. Volition plays a great part: so does the intellect. The whole being loves, body and soul and spirit, mind, will and heart. The conscience also is brought into line with the others, and directs, and records. The tenderer the heart, the stronger the love; the more sensitive the conscience the sweeter the affection. The moment emotion floods out volition and intellect, love and respect are lessened. When conscience ceases to control, emotion runs to lust, and illicit desire gains a ready entrance. The end of preparation, therefore, is twofold:
a) To bring the whole being into consonant action, and
b) To eliminate every possibility of intrusion by that which is unholy and ugly.
These are really alternatives, the success of the former ensuring the success of the latter, failure in the one spelling disaster in the other. A moment’s consideration of the task before us will reveal what is demanded of us, for to love well and truly is a duty that is incumbent upon those whose profession is that theirs is love “in the Lord”. Too frequently are the young lovers, whose seriousness is commendable, turned aside by the teasing of well-meaning but injudicious elders. Christian love is the purest of all. We are exhorted to love with a pure heart, fervently; to love without dissimulation. It therefore behoves all, young and old alike, to rescue this precious gift from the rubbish heap of passion and indifference to the best, and place it again in the glorious sunlight of New Testament teaching and Christ-like devotion. This must be done by deliberate choice, by intelligent forethought, by studied effort, by consecrated zeal. For many it will mean taking courage in both hands, and, under the compulsion of the Spirit, regulating the life, in its multifarious demands and duties, so as to realise what is noblest, best, and purest. The baser part (the old man) of us must be discouraged; living according to the Word must be cultivated. Not merely must we discipline that which is contrary & contradictory to the best and bring it into subjection, we must also encourage and stimulate that which is high and good. Upon the young man’s choice and his determination to continue depend his future happiness, for
“To every man there openneth
A way, and ways, and a way.
And the high soul climbs the high way,
And the low soul gropes the low.
And every man decideth
The way his soul shall go.” –Oxenham
There is a high way, ennobling for all who choose to walk therein-the pathway of the just (the noble, the pure, the good), that shineth increasingly unto the full-orbed day. There is a low way, coarsened and defiling, the end whereof is death. The one is a climb to rarer joys and visions, to an exhilaration beyond words to describe; the other is a groping darkness and thickens and deepens.
Consider the following as aids to the conserving, strengthening, and developing of love-ties.
1. There must be an atmosphere – an element of personal and sincere prayer. Prayer is not a mere corrective exercise; it is a directive one too: it not only prevents; it propels. Its practice prevents love from running to mere sentimentality, and quickens it in its noblest resolves. The tragic shipwrecks and heartrending lapses of young people are, to a great extent, due to its neglect. As our love relationships are those which most nearly and completely touch our lives at all points, surely it is wise to have them sanctified in prayer, and made tender and strong by the grace which is ours in communion with God. The Christian lover on his knees is wiser, and sees further, than the keenest of philosophers on the tiptoe of his own intellect. Love operates most subtly through the channel of fellowship with God. His light burns up all the impure dross, and burnishes the pure gold of love until its very brilliance is that of the subdued light of eternity. Such devotion to God lightens the love-affair with glory-beams of heaven. Heaven is where love dwells; and prayer in the Spirit brings heaven to earth, and lifts earth to heaven. Therefore let the voice rise like a fountain night and day in this godly exercise of heart-preparation. In it the being can be poured out before God and all wandering thoughts brought into captivity.
a. Pray alone.
This devotional exercise is the finest spiritual deterrent for sin known. He cannot fail in any phase of his life who prays. It is the antipathy to fainting. Pray definitely and sincerely that you may be able to travel the more excellent way, the greatest way. (1 Cor 13). Pray for your loved one: she or he will love you more for it. Each will realise and appreciate the value of spiritual intercourse and fellowship. Amidst the other businesses of life make time for this practice. You cannot afford to lose it: you lose it at your own peril and at that of another whose life is too closely bound to yours for you to entertain such a though for a minute. Solitariness will help to sift out the ugly and undesirable things. Have special prayer periods with your partner, during which let God search the chambers of the heart whether there be any way that grieves Him in you (Psa 139). Never (where possible) be in your loved one’s company without preparing the way by prayer. It may but a momentary lisping, but it will reach the heart of God, and will illumine and inspire your soul. The writer has found the following way a most blessed one. On the evening before and during the day on which he hoped to be with his loved one, several minutes were spent in prayer several times for a tender experience of grace in the evening. Never has God failed. Such expectations of joy were reinforced by prayers as sincere at the other end. Courtship thus formed and sustained cannot fail to be blessed of God. Pray often, both audibly in secret and silently in the heart when occasion presents itself, and God will reward you openly. I cannot too strongly recommend this rule for success. It may be costly, but surely the recompense far outweighs the expenditure of tie and effort. Pray knowingly and sympathetically. Get to know the needs – (spiritual the most important) – of your partner, and spread your desires before the Heavenly Lover. Having done so, the atmosphere of your meeting will be surcharged with grace and the presence of God. Your prayers will thereafter be constantly mingled with thanks.
b. Pray not only for but with your loved one.
The late Dr. Wilbur Chapman of America writes, “the home that is fortifies by prayer cannot drift far towards the world. To ensure this, it is necessary not only to pray for but with the children.” The same counsel is admirable for young Christian lovers. In order to the accomplishment of this duty the young man will require much grace. It is difficult to begin. Nobody knows you better than she does, and it may be necessary for both to confess shortcomings and failures. That is no easy task. A vision of the blessing and glory beyond the task will almost assuredly nerve the faint endeavour, and the grace of God will undoubtedly strengthen the Spirit-begotten desire. Failure here may bring a lifelong regret, the damage of which may be irreparable to both concerned. Why postpone this solemn joy to later days? Why not let your courtship be a foretaste of your wedlock? (Amen! - my comments ) In spirit you must be married long ere the actual legal event consummates your bliss. What delight, then, can surpass that which enters and thrills the being as the spirit of thanksgiving and prayer drives to the knees and raises the heart in gratitude and praise to God? If you fail to do so now, whenever the opportunity presents itself, when you have the desire later your courage may fail, unless you are willing to make a complete confession of accumulated neglect. Remember your influence is incalculable, and that may be exerted either for good or for evil: it is so far-reaching that it may involve not only two lives but others also. Preparation for home-life begins here. And what holy love floods the soul of that couple which can be simple, devoted, and sincere enough to take the scriptures and its truth and apply it into their courtship.
The pathway to the highest always abounds with dangers. The highest may be seemingly inaccessible, but is beyond the mists and the storm-clouds; it is bathed in undisturbed peace-light. If you will scale, then every power must be concentrated on the effort. But, oh, the joy! On the summit of the hill of love you may bask in the genial sunshine, you ay inhale the rare, pure, invigorating air, until the whole soul is lifted out of itself in exuberant joy. It is the vision splendid of a land afar off. And yet its borders can be immediately crossed and the ascent begun as soon as you are willing.
2. Consecrated love must always be happy love. Consecrated couples have always rejoiced in each other. Young people are, however, in the majority of cases, afraid of this word, and think it as a harsh discipline of life. Charles M. Alexander and his wife chose for their life-motto “Each for the other and both for God.” The writer is acquainted with a home (not the only one) where the motto “God first” is never forgotten, and where the most minute detail of domestic business is considered in the light of God’s glory. Rupture and annoyance in such homes are impossible. What is practicable in the wedded state is none the less practicable in courtship, where the seed of all future joys is sown. Give your love to God, and He will give it back intensified and deepened.
a. Let both lovers be actively engaged in Christian service. The question may be asked, “And what has this got to do with courtship?” A great deal. Such activity gives common interests and forms another bond of union – a golden chain of fellowship which strengthens as service widens. Such service can and should form material for conversation and discussion, and if both hearts are set on pleasing God and following Christ, both spirits will be melted and fused together at the simple and tender narration of God’s dealings in personal service. Incidentally such a habit will prevent the foul crop of dangers which readily grows from wandering thoughts. This service need not be great, but ought to demonstrate the direction of the life. Service for God towards men impresses and softens the heart, and makes it keen and sensitive to external influences. Hearts that are inspired with the same love, impulse by the same motive, and moving in that same direction cannot but be bound strongly together. The common love that thrills the lives of all truly devoted Christian workers must surge with a beautiful and suffused glory through two souls that have already been wedded together. The work engaged in lays to hand – Sunday school work, tract distribution, wayside witnessing, factory testimony, and home ministry, anything in which God can be glorified. Reports of work, special difficulties encountered, victories gained, encouragements received, and blessings granted, failures experienced, all can form topics for conversation once a week at least. Only those who have tried can really appreciate the sterling love-value of being “workers together with God.” There He indeed commands His blessing; here also lies a fruitful field for prayer together, in the exercise of which there is realised and appreciated the promise of the great Master-Worker: “if two of you be agreed (be in symphonic unison” – the music of two hearts!) as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father, who is in heaven, for where two or three are gathered together in My Name, there am I in the midst” (Matt 18.12-20). Surely there is no higher joy for Christian couple in the delightful prayer of consecration and thankfulness of praise than that of enjoying the gracious presence of the Lord Himself.
b. For such work both lovers must be kept fir. The Word of God is our great strengthening source – our food. But in courtship lovers wish to grow on similar line to a certain legitimate extent. The Christian families from which there come the most consistent testimonies in life and character are those which have a well-arranged plan of Bible-study in which all the members are interested. One has happy memories of the exceeding joy of those home days where human influence through family ties was incalculable, irresistible, yea, imperishable. The very language of the Scripture from the lips and voices so well-known reverberates through the chambers of the soul to-day with a music that is sweeter than ever before. Impressions then made are, in a little measure ate least, showing themselves in expressions of Christian faith. Physical family resemblances are not as precious as are those spiritual family likenesses, in thought, in word, in action. Young man, Christian brother, you are preparing for the most noble responsibility on earth given to man – “to command your children after you,” and tragic failure will dog your footsteps, will ambush you in all you do, unless your life is built squarely and solidly on the Word of God. Cross ideals between you and your partner will sadden life, and thwart you from the best. Divergent courses of growth in spiritual matters will tend to spiritual unlikeness. In your courtship it is neither convenient nor is it advisable to be continually together. Many evenings may be spent apart. Therefore have a definite system of Scripture reading either as a morning or evening portion, on which both can meditate and in spirit commune. The writer has found the daily reading and comments in The Life of Faith admirably adapted to this purpose, and with delightful results. The portions are read in the morning, and a short prayer for blessing on each reader sanctifies the exercise and deepens trust in God, for often at the end of the week each has been aware of the tender influence that has been exerted by the common devotions of the mornings previous.
c. Consecrate your love-life, in its entirety, to the Lord. The God of peace can consecrate you through and through (1 Thess 5.23). Let nothing grow in the sacred garden-pot of your courtship which cannot bear the light of His countenance. Bring every detail of it into the sunlight of His presence. Open the windows and doors of the chambers of the treasure palace of your love to the cleansing and invigorating wind of His Spirit, so that the dust-particles of selfish desire and unwarranted lust may be dislodged and blown out. Consecrated love will have three outstanding qualities.
i. It will be dispositional; that is, it will be the habitual expression and experience of the heart. It is entirely independent of circumstance and emergencies. Dispositional love deepens, widens, intensifies, and is illimitable. It is tender and strong, noble and beautiful. It never fails; it never falters; it never varies in quality, but constantly grows in quantity. It cannot be moved, and knows no jealousy, for it thinketh no evil. It gives no cause for grievances, and regrets only that it is not stronger. It is restful and calm, but is never retrogressive. It is the life, for it absorbs the whole being, and becomes a man’s second self. Who would not long for it, work for it, toil with aching heart and bleeding hands and bruised feet for it if it were so attainable? Yet for the simplest and easiest of actions it is ours if we will. Lay your love and your life with all its unknown potentialities for loving, at the feet of your adorable Lord and Source of love, in the perfect, irrevocable, whole-hearted, undemurring abandon of faith, and the glorious experience is yours. But someone queries: “and what of the difficulties of the upwards way?” Faith and love know them not. They are mere occasions for deeper joy and stronger faith and richer love (Jam 1.2ff), for they are sanctified, as one sings: -
“For the touch of love transfigures
All the road and all the rigours.”
ii. It is sacrificial. No love is worth the name which is not. Such love gives itself and then reckons all that has been given as unworthy. It withholds nothing. It is lavish and unstinted. With it there are no reservations. It rejoices in every occasion of extreme demand upon itself for the joy of another. It pours out its gifts with opulent devotion. Its highest glory is in the utter effacement of self, and selfish pleasure. It rests not on its own satisfaction; that is never its concern. Sacrificial love “seeketh not its own.” When this is mutual, courtship is Divine, for it has caught the spirit of Calvary, and reflects its supremest glory in a love that delighteth in another. Love like this stops at nothing, stoops to anything (not in the base sense however), and surrenders everything for the unspeakable joy of possession of the object, for the object’s sake. Such devoted, dispositional love cannot fail to grow into a friendship-love beyond which there are no reaches. That is the summit glory of love. Man love for love’s sake; many make friends for friendship’s sake; but how few there are who really have passed into the experience of a friendship-love! Built and stablished on close intercourse and constant interchange of kindnesses, this love never wanes. It is remarkable for firmness and constancy, and knows no limit of its sacrifices. Make a friend of your love one; cultivate the noblest devotion in her; cherish her with and affection that will sacrifice all for her sake, and courtship will be astonishingly blessed.
iii. It is reciprocal. It cannot be otherwise. It is as natural for such love to be returned as it is for the mirror to reflect the sunlight. It is infectious, spreads with astounding rapidity, and is always ardent. Like the echo to the voice, it is often sweeter and louder. Reciprocated love moulds and binds until the two are one, as if the hands, the sides, the voices and the minds had been incorporate. They grow together “like a double cherry, seeming parted, yet a union in partition.”
The ideal is high. Is it too high? Can we dare to lower it in the last? Must we confess our inability or our laziness and unwillingness? Are we too selfish to abandon that which merely pleases for that which satisfies body and soul and spirit? Is the mind not noble enough to desire, and the heart not pure enough to aspire to that which, while high, might be the normal experience of all true Christian lovers? The life which Christ gives is abundant, extraordinary, even in this phase of it. In ourselves and by our own efforts it is unattainable; the mountain summit cannot be scaled by sheer determination. We must be lifted there in the power of the Spirit of Christ. Winsome and gracious and tender words are ready on our lips if we are willing from the heart. Oh! The joy of that first experience when, in absolute surrender of all that is dearest, we are able to say,"
“Take my love and let it be,
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee,
Take my love and let me pour,
At Thy feet its treasure store.
Take my all and let me be,
Ever, only, all for Thee.”
